I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
