i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize