And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize