Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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