somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize