she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
