My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
