I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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