There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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