careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
