my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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