I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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