K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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