You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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