I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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