you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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