So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
