WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
