my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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