I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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