so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
