I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
