so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
