thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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