everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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