my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
