I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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