It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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