Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
