I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
