just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
