Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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