I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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