The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
