I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
