Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
