I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and she was petting her beer can
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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