If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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