I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
