I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
