Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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