remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
