My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
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u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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