The maid of honor just puked.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
