Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
