Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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