Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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