Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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