I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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