Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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