3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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