You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
