plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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