no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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