I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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