she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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