I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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