you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
