So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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