i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
