I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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