drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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