Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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