I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
