you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
