I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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