Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
