I will die if light touches me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
