wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
