We won't sleep together?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
