She's like a pop up book from hell.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
