Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
