is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
