Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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