I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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