I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
